In the baking heat of the Baltimore sun a constant recurring thought continues to plague my mind. How can I become so immune to the daily violent occurrences in the community. Since being here the violence has been high. In spite of the shocking nature of these crimes, the frequency of occurrence deadens the emotions. The television reporting of murder presents the facts of the cases, without any real sense of emotion. However, you do witness the outpouring of anger, grief and sadness coming from victims, but it still feels surreal. A few murders that stick in my mind are one committed by a young woman aged 13, a case of a robbery gone wrong. A hate crime involving a young African American man who claimed he was motivated by his crime purely based on his hatred of Mexican people. An even more surprising murder focused on a church pastor who hired a hit man to kill a mentally ill man on account of an insurance scam. On first arrival it was frightening, but as time goes on it feels different. It’s not a passive acceptance of extreme behavior, but it feels like a coping strategy for deep feelings of loss.
One morning on Television I am bombarded with images of the 5th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, the floods in Pakistan, the worsening economic crisis, contrasted with zillions of adverts pushing burgers, cosmetics, cars, electronic devices, and a host of other products that are designed to cushion the blow from dealing with the reality of inner city life. The functioning of US media definitely numbs the senses towards the wider issues of social, cultural, and spiritual importance. When I am down town in tourist mode I enjoy the environment like going to a large fun fair, safety, fast food, and relaxation acts as a form of screen saver.
The contrasting images of inner city reality consisting of boarded up houses, community survival, and individuals try to cope in difficult circumstances, probably explains why the trivial aspects of US society is appealing. It provides a strange balance of the senses. However, once you scrape off the froth, you can see the substance underneath. I’ve decided I don’t want to be in denial or be desensitized to things going around. Why? Quite simply, I have a conscience. I can’t take on every problem or solve every problem, but those victims, perpetrators, those living in impossible conditions, and anyone who is affected by decisions beyond their control, could all be me. I am them, they are me. If I ignore what is taking place for the sake of my own personal comfort, then I will be living with a sense of false consciousness. As I conclude this moment, I realize that the media succeeded for a brief moment in disabling my desire to see significant change within communities. However, I’m back to reality, not believing the hype, and even more committed to ensuring these terrible moments I’ve encountered don’t slip into my sub-conscious never to surface again.
Peace
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